I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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