My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
