Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
