alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
