sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
