Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
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I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
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just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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