So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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