If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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