I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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