I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
