i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
