I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx