Your face is a jimmy john
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize