I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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