she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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