i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
