Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Shame is for Republicans.
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