so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We left the knife in your bed.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
