...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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