he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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