I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
