So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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