Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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