Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
