the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
