Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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