matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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