I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
