I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
