so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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