got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
