i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
