Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
