I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Houston, we have a blender
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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