Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
