I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you inspire me to be a worse person
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
