the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
