just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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