i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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