That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
