Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
