Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
