the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So apparently I’m into choking now
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