i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
