my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
