The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
