Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
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You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.