oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...