Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week