Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches