Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
