Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
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