Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
