if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
