I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
