gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
