you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
