How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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