perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
