i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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