I'm drive I can fine osifer
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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