I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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