I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
