There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
