like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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