Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
