so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
