Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
